I had a friend once, let’s call her Anika, who always dreamed of the day she would get her lips done.
Now she wasn’t a shy or self-conscious girl. One the contrary, she was incredibly confident and an extremely talented individual. But when it came to her beauty, she had so much insecurity that it often overshadowed her entire personality.
When you were with her, your first thought wouldn’t be that she was insecure about herself. She was the life and soul of the party. But Anika also couldn’t stand to let others see her when she wasn’t presentable. She, like countless others in my life, couldn’t walk out the house without dressing up — even when it was getting a snack from a convenience store. I barely knew what she looked like without make-up, and the same could be said for my mum.
How could clearly beautiful women hate the person in the mirror so much, that they thought that surgery was the only way out?
It’s a twisted phenomenon that is all-too-common nowadays. Girls hate themselves. But it’s understandable, because despite the feminist movement, pre-existing issues continue to be practiced and respected today. How often are we still telling girls what they can or cannot do, what they should or shouldn’t wear? How often are we still blaming a victim of rape for what they were wearing? How often are we sexualising little girls in the media as soon as they hit thirteen?
What hit me hardest however, was how Anika was so desperate for surgery. Because she was somebody that I knew and cared for. In no way am I judging her or her choices - but the thought of it makes me feel a little sad. It’s hard for me to come to terms that an entire industry that is a plethora of sexist misogynist men creating designer women, was now suddenly an industry catered around the woman’s choice. Suddenly it was the women who wanted surgery, not because they were insecure - but because she wanted it.
Honestly, it’s still hard for me to come to terms with.
With any case - of course there’s exceptions. Women who suffer from burns, acid attacks, health problems etc. cosmetic surgery can literally save their lives. There are even women who get surgery because they want to, and they look amazing! And they love themselves before and afterwards. Great!
But ...
Ordinary people, the ones who want surgery to look like celebrities and their idols. Please ask yourselves and think about it hard. Who are you doing it for? Are you sure it's for yourself?
Surgery used to be a rich-people problem, for celebrities and media icons. When the camera is pointed at you twenty-four seven, of course you want to look your best. Celebrities represent themselves as brands - they have certain styles and looks they want to achieve to promote their music, clothing, etc. But now - it's accessible to everyone. To ordinary everyday people. Knock-off surgeons, cheap unsafe procedures in shady underground clinics. Instagram culture that has swept our entire sense of self-esteem and compounded it into likes and comments. It's dizzying and fast and there's so much to unpack.
But here's the main problem.
My problem is when we disguise cosmetic surgery as feminism - in the wrong way.
My problem is when celebrities embrace the knife, but continue to lie about their impossibly proportioned bodies — and expect us to believe that they obtained it by drinking lemon water and yoga. My problem is when young women barely out of school, believe that they should alter their faces and bodies — when they still have their baby fat around their necks. My problem is when Kylie Jenner is considered one of the sexiest woman alive, but no one acknowledges just how much she suffered for her looks before obtaining life-altering surgery at eighteen.
Embrace Your Surgery, or Don’t Bother Getting It At All.
The risks, the long-term affects, the scars etc. are issues that need to be made public. Why is it so embarrassing to admit that you’ve done surgery? Why is it an unspoken rule
to deny something has drastically changed about you, when it is incredibly
visible to others?
If you have a problem admitting you had surgery - the problem is you, not your face.
The way we have handled cosmetic surgery culture is embarrassing. Half of us believe it is un-feminist to get it, others believe it empowering. But as long as no one is forcing you to do it — then that is not the issue we should be talking about.
We should be talking about the Anika’s of the world. We should be talking about how hiding cosmetic surgery contributes to the vicious cycle of self-hatred and low self-esteem in young women. Even when I know someone has gotten surgery, but refuses to confirm or deny it, I lament on how I wish I looked as beautiful as she did. It’s disgusting, and hypocritical. We need to be more open and honest about surgery — own your surgery. Own the fact that you did something that you felt would improve your life. Own the fact that you did something that you felt would make you feel better.
I don’t want my future children to grow up in a world where they are conflicted between what they see and what they hear.
I write this for my friend Anika, and hope one day she sees her true beauty doesn’t lie in masquerading plastic celebrities — but in herself.
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