Heartbreak: A Short Story

i. Family

The first time you feel it is when your mum is kind to other children.

She seems to love them more than you, be more patient and understanding. Why do the other kids get nicer presents for their birthdays? Why is she kinder, sweeter, loving—but pinches her mouth shut as soon as she sees your face?

It’s when you’re twelve years old and take part in your first play. You don’t get to be in the ending sequence because your partner drops out and they can’t have an uneven ending. Your mum gets angry and fights the ballet teacher. You still don’t get in the ending. The play happens, it ends. You quit the next day. You blame mum for making the teacher angry.

It’s realising affection does exist between parents and children, but not in yours. Dad doesn’t acknowledge you because you’re the third girl—how are you any different from the others? Your friends get it—so why don’t you?

ii. Friends

Your second heartbreak is when you realise others can deceive you.

Your make your friends your family. You didn't get what you wanted at home because you could not choose them, so you did choose. You treated them as such—you loved and cared for them, wanting the same in return.

But you never knew that people could paint masks on their faces.

It’s when you trusted her with your secrets. She promised to never to tell with a sincerity of an adult-class actress. When you found out, you tried to understand, you tried to explain your humiliation - maybe it was a mistake? But all she says is you’re overreacting. Why do you get to be hurt when she’s angry about other things you’ve done? You never heard any of it before. You didn’t know you offended her, she never let on, how were you supposed to know that the an ignorant offence required the bloodiest price?

The others felt the same. Somehow, you were the only who was never in on the joke. They laughed at you, they ridiculed you.

You wonder if were they always that way? Hiding behind strained smiles, faking tolerance while the knife snuck behind your back.

What did you do to deserve this?

iii. Romance

You think its love.

It must be. You never felt this way about anyone before. You imagine yourself being with them—a perfect couple, beautiful and proud. The way you look together can never be matched. You’ve never felt so intense a desire to just be with someone. To look at them, talk to them, learn about them. You never knew that wanting to monopolize someone would overtake your life with such violence.

But they don’t return it. You’re not sure, but you’re too afraid to ask. And you learn to deal with the pain of never knowing. You do this every single time. You cower, you bend. You can’t help yourself—you know you’re not good enough, so why bother trying?

When someone finally reciprocates, you think this is it. But you also never knew people did things they didn’t mean. You feel cheated. You feel used, you gave a piece of yourself and it is abused and trampled into the dust before being thrown back at you.

It is a new kind of pain that hardens you.

iv. God

You were taught to believe in God.

You believed he was there. You believed he would help you when you needed it, a paternal guiding hand that could never steer you wrong.

It’s when you are abandoned that you are forced to confront a reality you never thought would present itself. She doesn’t recognise you anymore. She doesn’t recognise her own face, her arms, her hands—she withers into a shade before your eyes.

You’re angry. You’re hurting—how could He let this happen. Why? What moral lesson needed to be learnt, what evil did you do to warrant such a test? She was loving and good, better than everyone, the best of all of you. If He wanted to punish someone why did he not do it to the offending party? Your faith broke those years. You yearn sometimes for its familiarity and comfort, but it will never be the same.

She didn’t deserve this. You regret the way you treated her, you regret your stupid childish feelings—you were so stupid. You now understand that things don't happen for a reason—they just happen.

But how could you have known?

v. Moving on

The worst and best part of it all is moving on.

All your heartbreaks heal in the end. Dad finally acknowledges you when you stop pretending to say what he wants to hear and carve space for yourself, for your own voice. Your closest friends are sincere this time because you sought them out for qualities that mattered beyond status and pride—now they truly understand you. Your love is returned tenfold when you stop desperately looking for it—love isn't there to nourish you, its to enrich what you already have. You still don’t believe in God—at least not in the organised kind—but it brings you peace anyway.

Did you foresee any of this? You mourn the impatient, angry, childish person you used to be. There’s always something a little sad about letting those horrible parts of you go. But you let it go. You understand now when to let go and hold on.

The rest of your life needs to be lived. You experience new heartbreaks all the time. You don't get the job you wanted, you lose precious friends as time grows past, you look back at the past with a kinder eye as it becomes clear as you get older that maturity comes hand-in-hand with empathy—it goes on and on, rushing through stages of your life in a relentless stream. They don't hurt like they used to but when it does you understand that it is fleeting. Pain is fleeting.

It is time to move on.